My 18 Days On JSwipe
C/o Sophie Hirsh

I tried JSwipe so you don't have to (but you should)

“Wanna shtup?”

That’s the first message one guy sent me on JSwipe, the Jewish dating app I downloaded so you don’t have to. (If you don’t know what "shtup" means in Yiddish … you can guess).

If you’re in the market for a Jewish fellow, this is the app to get. The men on JSwipe span the spectrum of Judaism: some men on JSwipe have payot, some are non-Jews named Chris (and are on this app because they “tend to hookup with Jewish girls”), and some are just culturally Jewish with bios like, “I’m looking for a nice Jewish girl to bring home for Passover,” “Am yisrael chai latte?” and “Hebrew school dropout” (Alright fine, that last one was actually my JSwipe bio. Think of all the money I saved my parents.)

A few initial warnings about JSwipe: everyone must answer whether or not they are kosher, and what level of Judaism they identify with. Once two people match, if you go 18 days (chai!) without chatting, the other person disappears from your matches. Unlike other dating apps, if you accidentally swipe left on a cutie, you can click in the bottom left corner and get your last match back.

I’ve always joked that there is an added level of security and trust when someone is Jewish. I’m not exactly sure why — maybe because of the greater probability of mutual friends? But on JSwipe, for the most part, dudes were still dudes, and they just wanted to shtup.

­When Josh* and I matched, JSwipe said “Mazel Tov!” and played a never ending video of cartoon people lifting someone on a chair, Horah style. Josh was cute, nice, funny, employed, et cetera. For the first time on a dating app, I felt a little bit excited, and looked forward to his replies.

However, Josh “asked me out” with the following message: “I have a great idea. You should give me your number so that I can ask you out for drinks the proper way ;)”.

Despite my sort-of excitement at the prospect of Josh, as soon as he hinted at meeting up, it became too real and I began to deflect and make excuses. Our last three messages read:

Me: Eh

Him: Ehhhhh

Me: EHHHHH

Steamy stuff.

Context aside, I think you can see the problem here: While JSwipe is definitely the dating app for finding a Jewish boyfriend, husband, or friend-with-benefits, contrived dating just isn’t for me, Jewish or not. For the record, I haven’t deleted the app yet, so there’s always a chance I could meet up with a cute Jewish boy sometime soon.

And in case you were wondering what I replied to that first guy’s message?

“Shtup you.”

JSwipe

Online dating

Jewish dating

Singles

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